a day

I spent my entire Saturday sleeping. I stayed away from books and things that I would love to do on a Saturday. I woke up with much energy to face a warm Sunday morning but later changed my mind and decided to have a couple more hours of sleep.

I intended to watch National Geographic's Great Migrations it was 10 minutes to nine and I tried scanning some channels and ended up watching The Accidental Husband. I've been very busy these past few days trying to keep up with things in the academia and working to earn so money and learning a foreign language that I almost forgotten how to say hello in the Filipino language. I almost forgotten romance. My heart these days become so quiet.

The movie just awaken some part of me. I've been trying to love people. Loving them is not easy and my heart gets tired easily but its nice to fall in love all over again.

Poverty, Justin Beiber and school

I don't want to go out today. The sky is gloomy and its raining. I love the rain. I've been doing a lot of thinking these days and less physical activities. I've been absent from school three times already. I'm planning of not going to work but the thought of what will happen to my paycheck scares me.

I'm having a problem with my language class. I am so passionate about the language, I love it, I love the people who speaks it but unfortunately I just couldn't speak the language. I am having a problem understanding its grammar. I'm not just really good in languages. For example, I've been studying English for years and my grammar is still below average. Anyway, I'm not giving up. I'm still going to school. I can use my being absent three times as the reason that I am not good compared to my classmates. I sometimes envied those people who can abandon their dreams easily without much having to suffer a lot consequences.

I am scared of surrendering my dreams or the mere thought of losing it. I've been very lazy the past few days and I don't know how much time I have left before poverty overtakes me. I've considering of buying a new music player. I need more space to store data. I'm listening to Justin Beiber and I'm loving the boy.

Busy days ahead and to come

I have been very busy this past weeks and in the days to come. I'm learning a new language, finally. I couldn't feel my rest days anymore but I'm loving it. It's like being back during those days when I was a working student. Tired at the end of the day but you're happy about it. I've felt a sense of pride in myself. I only have a until the end of this school year to learn this new language and after that when the school year starts I'm back to academia.

I finally subscribed to Bayantel Wireless. It's supposed to be 512 kpbs which is what I get and it even exceeded the speed but I get disconnected several times which frustrates me. I think I'm going to cancel my subscription. I'm considering of getting Globe WiMax. Hopefully my experience is different from the current one that I'm using. I dunno if they have that fair usage policy for this one. I am a prepaid subscriber and I was blocked for subscribing to their Supersurf promo because I downloaded too much.

the need to upgrade

I definitely need a new battery for my laptop. Last week I've checked its condition and it was "fair" and I checked it today it changed to "poor." The thing is, it costs an arm and a leg. I've checked in Mac Center and it costs Php 7500. I've been considering of having the battery repacked, I just don't know if its safe to be done to a macbook pro. I'm scared that my laptop will explode or something. My battery barely lasts an hour. When I turn it on its battery indicator would show that I only have an hour and a few minutes left before it will die. I'm thinking of buying one over the internet but I don't know how to determine if its original or just imitated. It's a little bit affordable if I would buy one online in some multiply accounts and some websites.

The new macbook pro's could last about 10 hours according to their website but I tested one and its just 7 hours actually, the standby mode might reach 10 hours but I'd rather turn off my laptop if I have no plans of using it for a longer time rather than putting in a standby mode. The new battery, according to the salesperson I have spoken with said that a new battery would last about 7 hours, so based on my calculations that would mean 5 hours according to my usage.

I tried to rent in some internet cafe's that has laptop area's so that I can connect my laptop to a power source and be connected to the internet at the same time. But aside from they are expensive they don't allow downloads which is the reason why I have to get to the internet. Are there some internet shops around that doesn't cost an arm an a leg to rent, allow downloads and has wide tables for their laptop areas? I couldn't find one where I live.

ISP

I've finally decided to have my own ISP. It's been months already that I am abusing my neighbors unsecured connection. I wonder if its just luck or my sense of right judgment is being tested. Everywhere I go I could detect unsecured wireless connections and I have this habit of connecting to them without the owners approval. I know its not right, so my sense of right judgment still works out fine. I know I didn't do the right thing before and so I am trying to correct it little by little. I went to Smart Center today and checked if they have trial offers unfortunately they don't. So once I sign up for a plan, I'm bound to it for the next 24 months. I didn't get it.

So until now, I have decided that I would have to sign up for my own internet connection and pay for it but I could not decide of which one to get. Definitely not globe, my experience with them is so horrible. Not wi-tribe too, though they are honest about their service its just up to you if you don't read your contract. I don't know if the way how to measure the data that you have downloaded is accurate. I know someone who uses Sun Cellular and they said it used to be good - used to be.

Until now I'm still getting my internet connection is still being "sponsored" and I don't know for how long. I don't know who owns the wireless signal that I'm getting and I have no plans of letting them know that their network is unsecured. I think sometimes its better to leave things the way they are.

The Stoning of Soraya M.

I watched The Stoning of Soraya M. today. It's based on a true story. Deeply moving. I could never imagine humans can do such things. We'll I've seen photos of war, their stories and their real stories. Children thrown in the air and being is catched by a bayonet by the Japanese soldiers. That's why sometimes even though it has been long gone I can't help but feel so much hatred against the Japanese and Spanish people of what they had done.

And they have never paid for it. Of course, they could never repay what they have done. I've discovered something new too. I've learned that I am not afraid of death but of dying. If God could only be so kind to give us a button that we can just click anytime and that would end life I would have ended mine already.

glutaphos like peanuts

I went to a language school today and inquired about their classes for Spanish. The victory if Spain in the world cup has added some excitement in me to learn Spanish. I just don't know if it is still useful to learn Spanish nowadays.

First, I would prefer French or Mandarin. French because it is spoken by most people in the elite class if you are in North America and also its one of the major languages used in europe. I would love to learn Mandarin too because looking at how the trend is going a few years from now China would be the next big thing in Asia. I have to be there and take advantage of it. But I think Spanish would be easier to learn. I have listed four languages that I want to know how to speak and write them fluently. I want to learn German, French, Mandarin and Spanish. The thing is I'm scared of what's going to happen to my brain.

Honestly everytime I read a new book or learn something new I am scared that I am overloading my brain. I have this kind of thought that I imagine my brain as a computer and its storage capacity is limited. I still want to live in the next four years that means I still have a lot of things to remember and work on. Shall I eat glutaphos like peanuts?

Banana!!!

I so love bananas and after seeing this video I would say that I myself would dedicate a video to banana one of these days. It would be sooo coool.

I have nothing to do for tonight. I don't want to read anything. I just surf the net. I was browsing to some profiles in Planet Romeo. I am just wondering though if am I just to shallow in terms of what beauty is or do not have the full grasp of what it means or am I looking for a different thing?

There are a lot of people saying that they are straight-acting, good looking and some qualities of a person that every gay is wishing for to have but when I look at their profiles it doesn't show that they have it. I am not good-looking nor do I have the qualities of a god but I know that they don't have it too.

Is this what we call false advertisement or what? Or am I just too judgmental and was never really looking that hard enough? Some of them are even more fabulous looking compared to Lady Gaga in full make-up. Or I guess I just don't know what straight acting means these days and also the word good looking has a now a different meaning. I must be very old already. Time has changed so fast. Words have different meanings now.

On self-improvement.

I am currently looking for a gym that is near in any MRT or LRT station. One that has a hot shower. I have no plans of becoming a member. I just want to visit there whenever I want. So there should be no restrictions on their facilities whether you are a member or not. Is there one that exists? And the rates please.

I want to tone my muscles or maybe have some. My colleagues are telling me that I am too thin. I look like a walking stick they said. I faced myself in the mirror and I look fine. Anyway, I had problems with my eyes so I guess they are right.

USB Modems

During my stay here in the Metro my very own ISP has been mcdonald's and MOA. I am planning to get a dsl connection but since I have no plans of staying here that long and it would require me to sign up for a contract if I would get one. I decided to try those highly commercialized usb modems. I have read a lot of bad reviews about them but I thought that I'd give it a try. I have no plans of using it for downloading stuff, so I guess when people said slow it is still pretty fast and ok for me. I tried sun broadband wireless at first but I can't log-in. I tried buying a new sim card but still it didn't work, i still have enough credits on my account. Then I tried globe, I'm very desperate at this time and it works but my aunt's dial-up connection is way faster and better than this. I wonder what's wrong with this country and why is everybody can't do an honest business. I trusted those commercial models and yet they're just being used to make some fraud. I couldn't even get the speed that was advertised on tv not even 5% of it. I am again but to the point in my life where I wish I wasn't born in this country.

I'm so tired to get to Mcdonalds and I'm not hungry and going there makes me fat, I've gained weight ever since I used it as my ISP. MOA is a little bit far from where I live. What a country. I can't think of better ways to get online right now. It took me an hour just to log-in to my blog. I haven't even tried blog hopping yet.

At Ease: Navy Men of World War II

I got a chance to take a quick preview about this book. It was five years ago. I wanted to grab a copy but I don't have my card with me at that time and I don't have that much cash in my wallet. I tried to go back to the store and check if they still have a copy of this book, unfortunately they don't. I'm so desperate to have a copy of this book. Anyone has a pdf file for this? Please let me know.

xoxo,
gram.math@yahoo.com

I am feeling it

A year ago I made a commitment that I will not stop working in order to improve myself. I made a list of things that I need to accomplish, I still haven't accomplish all of them yet. But I am making a progress daily, littl e by little. One thing in my list is that I should learn to love listening to classical music which I thought impossible.I remembered the list while I was sitting in McDonalds where I enjoy free wi-fi almost every weekend which happens to be the only time in my week where I can go online. I was downloading some files and I realized how I loved Vivaldi's works.

My teacher used to let us listen to this song. I can hear her voice asking us if we feel the coldness of the air? The birds singing on the trees? The ice melting? We didn't, I didn't. That is what I felt almost 11 or so years ago. But right now, listening to Vivaldi, I can completely feel my surroundings change while listening to "Four Season."

To my teacher, thank you for sharing this wonderful work of art. Yes, I feel it. I can feel the coldness of the air, I can feel the heat of the summer, I can see the leaves falling during autumn and I hear the ice melting in spring.

I need to do this

I want to try cliff diving this summer. Maybe around third week of April. I haven't tried it in high places and I think its very fun to try. Thinking about it gets me soo excited. I desperately need to try doing this before I die. My only problem is do these places exist here in the Philippines and if they do where?

My week is all about work but I'm loving it. I have to wake up at 4 am and go to bed at 10 pm. I received a text message from a friend yesterday asking me to accompany her go shopping. Honestly I don't really like going out with women while they go from one store to another. Why don't they just decide what things to buy before they go to the store? Anyway I told her that I can't go with her because I still have other stuff to do and I haven't heard from her after. Gawd, women.

I've finally had my own Libera album. I so love Libera these days. I'm still listening to Maksim and Vanessa Mae.

random

I've heard from a colleague that they are going to Puerto Galera this coming Holy week. I have no plans of going to the beach this Holy week. I'm planning to spend the entire week reading thick manuals and books.

I'm planning to go to Mall of Asia tonight and watch the fireworks. I'm going to be serious in my professional career this year. No boys, no alcohol, what a wonderful life. When I'm alone I am 100 percent that I can accomplish this at the end of they year however things changed every time I see a cute guy in front of me.

I have a new room mate. Its nice to live with boys. Life with them is a lot better compared to living with women. Less talk. loud music and heavy snoring. Which is just fine with me compared to gossips and cat fights brought by women.

I haven't seen the vaginal douche for four days. I guess whoever owns it has used it up. I still don't know what's the use of that thing and I haven't seen anyone who might be using it.

I can only go online once a week. I have to study a lot of things and read thick books. Books and study things that I never thought have existed. I have two choices of how to enjoy my break from school this summer, one is enrolling in a hip hop dance class or going to a language school. I still can't decide of which one is better. Going to a language school is a expensive I guess but it would help me a lot but I also want to learn how to dance. Not just some shrimp like movement every time I'm on the dance floor.

Bullies

I'm getting tired of going to McDonalds from time to time to take advantage of their free wi-fi. My new place doesn't have any internet connection and I have no plans of getting one. Its easy to spot free wi-fi hotspots here in Metro Manila. Some of the best things here are still free. I haven't watch Avatar yet. I'm still downloading it and its far from being complete. I'm starting to love my job. Its very challenging and its pretty hard. I just don't like my office mates. They spend most of their time bullying me. I wonder why they get pleasure of doing it. Maybe some people are really just like that. Born to be a bully. Its kinda sad.

Living with men

I move to a different place almost a week ago. I'm living with three other men. I think I am a personality disorder. I just figured out how hard it is to live with other guys. This could be the reason why despite of living in a congested area surrounded by good looking guys I still end up being single. And I am grateful that I am not in a relationship while living here. The less you are attached with a person, the better. I wonder why there are a lot of people who wants to be in a relationship while living here in Metro Manila.

My housemates where all fine. Its easy to get along with them. But I sometimes think that they are looking at my stuff when I'm not around. I'm just wondering why is it that one of them is using a "vaginal douche." I don't really know what its for but its clearly written in the label. It could be that one of them is gay too but were men and men don't have vagina's. Is there any other use of this product? I definitely don't have any idea.

welcome to the club

I was taking a break from this 3-4 month study hard thing that I have to endure, Hopefully I could breathe air 4 months from now anyway, I found this very interesting article. I'm not really excited about Robert Pattinson because I know that he's straight but this article just make me giggle, sorry I just can't help it.

So for this who doesn't have any idea, Robert Pattinson will be on the cover for Details magazine for their March 2010 issue. On the photo shoot he said "I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina. But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn't exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover."

I'm just so excited with these words. Could this be the sign that he's gay? Gad. What a wonderful world. I have to rethink my decision at the age of 30. I mean there's still more in the line. Justin Beiber, Jesse Mccartney and many many more... I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

a longer stay

I don't know when will I be able to visit Baguio again but I am trying to make it before the year ends. Its interesting how I met a lot of people in just a short time that I stayed there. My friends said that the place is not as nice as before. There are lots of things that I have observed in Baguio which I hope will also be adapted here in Metro Manila or way back from where I previously lived. First, the taxi drivers are more polite. I haven't encountered an incident where a taxi driver refused. Here in the Metro it happens a lot and some of them would even ask me to pay more than what is indicated on the meter. Taxi drivers here are mostly rude, they lack good manners. Its very sad knowing that these people should be the first one to show good manners since they are in need of money, well I am in need of money too and I show good manners to them. I don't really like how they treat their passengers here in Metro Manila. Someone should discipline them. Its either they were not raised well at home or this is the result of the poor educational system of the country.

Second thing, vegetables. I really love to eat vegetables rather than meat. They are more tasty to me. I am tired of eating grilled meats here. I don't know where to buy vegetables. I am planning to just boil some vegetables but I am scared that I might overcook them. I don't really know how to cook and cookbooks are very hard to follow these days. I've noticed that as we try to live a simple live every thing gets complicated, try reading old cookbooks and the newer ones and you'll see the difference.

The third thing are the parks. I'm scared to go to the parks in here in Metro Manila even during the day. You'll never know what will happen. Unlike in Baguio though its very dangerous to go out at night but its safe during the day.

But I'm still staying here for another month or so. Depends on the outcome of my job here. I want to go back or maybe stay in Baguio but somehow I don't want to waste the energy of being young. I am more productive here, I would say and even my friends would agree. A few hours of sleep here and I feel so energized already compared to an eight hours of sleep in the south or in Baguio.

Happyness

Yesterday was the one of the happiest day of my life. First I received a call from the company where I applied. I don't expect that I will still get the job since its been more than a week already since I applied for it. I'm going to work on my requirements today and also will have to report for the job offer.

Second, a friend of mine in Baguio gave my number to him. We are not exchanging messages. Its something I've been wanting to happen but never thought that it could become real. I'm planning to go back to Baguio before the year ends.

back in MM

I got tired of Baguio. I've visited most of the places where tourists go. There are still some places that I need to visit but I don't feel like going there anymore. On the bus on my way here I really cried. I wish I can call the place my home. Its a very wonderful place. And I miss someone who lives there too. When were on Marcos Highway I tried to look outside of the window maybe he will be there standing and waving me goodbye, it didn't happen.

One thing I like about Metro Manila is that it has everything I need. Also every time I leave the place I don't cry. I even like it when I leave this place. No one makes me cry here, I realized. There are millions of people living in the metro and I have never cried for someone here unlike other places that I have visited. I am considering maybe staying here for a while. I'm planning on applying for a job. There are some places near here that I want to visit compared if I am living on the southern part of the country.

First I really want to visit Batanes. I've seen pictures about the places and its really breathtaking. You can't believe that such a wonderful scenery can be found in this country. The people there are friendly too according to some folks who have visited the place. I'm planning to visit there during summer and also during rainy season where the place is constantly visited by typhoons. I love strong winds. It brings back those childhood fears.

a single digit

I was wondering if I was cursed. Everywhere I go, all the places that I have visited someone always makes me cry. Today is my last day here in Baguio. I don't like the people here when I first arrived until I met someone. I have mentioned about him in my previous post.

The other night he asked for my number. I don't have my phone with me at that time so I just asked him to send me a text message. And so he did, in front of me. I'm happy to be with him and I consider staying in Baguio and maybe look for a job. I seldom meet interesting and nice people. When I went home and checked my phone I don't see his message. Later then I realized that I made a mistake on one of the digits. I tried to go back last night to where we first met. The night was so cold but I didn't care. What I wanted at that time was to see him and hug him once more. I stayed until midnight but he didn't came. I don't know how to reach him, I don't even know his full name. I hate myself for not being able to memorize my very own phone number.

I cried a lot. Why is it hard to get that happy ending?

dangers of not doing it often

I've read or maybe seen it in movies that girls become emotionally attached even to a stranger once they had sex. I'm a little bit suspicious if I'm becoming more of a woman. I went out with this complete stranger the other night. He was not good looking but he has this very nice personality that makes me like him. He was very nice. I didn't expect that I would miss his company this much. I guess its because I seldom sleep with people I just meet.

I guess if I am used to sleeping with guys I wouldn't feel attached with a person I met just for a one night stand. I have observed this when I was going out with guys every week. I don't feel any emotional attachment no matter how nice or good looking the person was. I guess this is another mistake I made for spending too much time with a single person. I'm really wondering if there is something wrong with me. Even if I just spent an hour talking with a complete stranger after we go on separate ways I start to miss them.

I don't want to feel any emotional attachment with a person. I'm thankful that I'm over with my family. Its one reason I'm scared to go home. What if I get attach to them again and I have that I want to have a family? I'm doing great with my life right now and I don't want to ruin it.

I'm here right now having the same question with one of the movies I've seen. Is it possible to live in this world without loving or being attach with someone? That would be great, I guess.

tired.

I have never thought that having a vacation can be boring sometimes. I lists all the places where I planned to visit but I don't want to visit them anymore. I miss working, a lot. I just realized that is more fun to be working than having a vacation. I miss those times that I'm really tired that I don't want to brush my teeth or I felt so lazy to eat. I really miss those days.

I went out again last night and I met a couple of good looking guys. I dated with one of them. I enjoyed his company and also the things that we did after some strolling around the city.

just a quick question..

I am just curious if its only me or you too feel the same.
When you were asked of where is your girlfriend or if you have a girlfriend what is your usual answer?

In my case sometimes I just smile or I would say that I am still looking or enjoying a single life.

But it doesn't end there, after you answer them, do you have doubts that you convinced them? I sometimes think that I didn't because they still keep on asking. I think this is one of the questions that I am scared to be asked. Do you feel the same?

Beer Night

I went out last night. I didn't enjoy it much, the dance floor is very small. I planned to go to Nevada Square but I've heard that its not safe to go there because of gang wars. So I headed to some bars here. There is a lot of difference between how the people behave in bigger cities. People here tends to get noisy, easily get irritated and is looking for trouble when they get drunk. Its not safe to be with them. Unlike in bigger cities that people don't lose their manners when they are drunk, well there are some but the rate is not as high compared here. People here is like going back to the ancient times. They have this animalistic kind of behavior an example is having its territory and they have it protected.

Their music is quite outdated for my taste. I also love Chopin, Beethoven, and yes, I'm loving them now but if I want to dance I want some trance music. I guess its just with bar. They said that there are some nice bars here, I haven't discovered them yet.

I woke up late today, well 11 am is late for me. I walked around Burnham Park. Its quite interesting how people here still love to go to parks but some also love to stroll in the mall. In most bigger cities going to the park is like an ancient tradition but here is just normal. I'm not sure if this only happens this month because of the Panagbenga or this really happens all year round.

Another year….

I have to look at my passport and the calendar twice just to make sure. Today is my birthday. Another year has been added to my life and just a few more years I guess, hopefully, before I die. I have to do some evaluation of my life. There are some decisions that I regret that I made them though its not the end yet. I am still hoping for the best. Just a few more years and I will have my degree and a few more years from that hopefully I will be in the jungle of Africa helping people there. I really love to work as a volunteer to some non-profit group organizations helping the world alleviate poverty. I know I could not really help some big communities but at least I'm helping. I've cried a lot every time I see pictures and documentaries about them. People are dying due to hunger and they have nothing to eat. A mother watching her son slowly dying because of hunger. I have a lot of things to do in my life in order to help them. First I need to have my degree then another two or three years experienced in my field before I qualify to be sent there, I'm getting there everyday.

I might be staying a couple more days here. I will be going to the Diplomat Hotel today. Hopefully to meet and greet some restless ghost. I don't really believe in them but I love the idea of going inside an abandoned building. I have never been inside an abandoned building that is completely built. Most buildings that I've been to although they are abandoned but they are either destroyed or left unfinished.

I might celebrate my birthday tonight by going to a bar for a drink. Beer here is cheaper compared to Metro Manila and other cities. I have no plans to get drunk but who knows what lies ahead. It was cold here last night and today I could see the sun, shining brightly. Its gonna be a lovely day, I hope.

XOXO,

Grammath

Taking deep breaths

My leg muscles are aching because of yesterdays endless walks. I'm planning to stay indoors today but the thoughts of the green things that I will be seeing and also meeting cute guys seems very hard to resist. There are cute guys here too, I feel bad about them getting stuck with those ugly women. I just wonder why most cute looking guys settle for the not-so-cute looking girls? Have you ever wonder about that?

It seems that taking a vacation is not for me. I find it so boring. Having nothing to do is the most boring thing on Earth and I just realized it. I miss the hustle and bustle of the street and inside the working place. There are still a lot of places to visit here but I miss working more than visiting those places. I might just stay here for a week then I'll go back to Metro Manila.

My Second Day in Baguio

I'm beginning to explore Baguio and also I've known some people here during my stay. They are respectful but not friendly. They will help you if you have money. Baguio is city just like any other city in the country. I was told by someone not to stay late in Burnham Park since a lot of folks got mugged in the area. I was shocked to learn about this since the first thing that would come up in my mind if about Burnham Park is a very quiet and relaxing place. There are lots of people too, I guess because this month they will be celebrating the Panagbenga, I hope I spell it right.

I don't have any night life either, I don't know where to go. A friend said that I can try going to Nevada Square but some of the locals here said that its not a friendly and a safe place. I went to Camp John Hay yesterday. It would be wonderful to own a cottage there but that must be very expensive. I am considering staying here for a year but the idea of strong winds when there is a storm scares me.

Today I went to Mines View. The place is just very small, I wonder why people go there? I mean on your way to Baguio you can see the mountains anyway. I bought some Ube Jam which I ate on my way to Wright Park and Botanical Garden, I just walk. You can just walk the places here and I wonder why everytime I asked for directions they would answer that I can take a jeepney or a cab. Mines View is not really that far from Wright Park. And there are some souvenir stores too in Mines View. One thing that get my attention is the Chinese Horoscopes. There was one animal that get my attention. The year of the Cock, was it supposed to be rooster or Cock? I tried to look for it online and yes there is a year of the Cock.

I am planning to visit the Diplomat Hotel tomorrow. They said there are ghosts in the area. I'm not really religious or do I believe in them but I want to visit the place. They said its already abandoned. I'm excited to visit the place.

xoxo,
Grammath, Baguio City

Baguio: First Day

I was supposed to get on a 5 am trip to Baguio but I woke up past 6 am already, I must be too excited. I enjoyed the scenery on my way here. I don't exactly remember how long the trip was but I do spend countless of hours sitting on the bus. They played "Dead na si Lolo" and I forgot the other one. It was a Filipino love story.

When I arrived here I was disappointed with the place where I'm staying. Not that I'm demanding hotel amenities but the I was asked to pay for the amount higher than what we agreed. I guess what I've read was true that if you don't know anyone here the cost of you daily allowance is the same as traveling in the North America. This place is far expensive compared to where I stayed in Makati. Not to think that I stayed in an airconditioned room and with a wi-fi. This place is just an old house without even a shower.

So the first thing I did after buying a charger for my phone is to look for another place to stay. I roam around Burnham Park and there are some folks there offering transients at a lower cost. I was able to look for a place and I will be transferring there today. It was just right in front of Burnham Park. Its cheaper than where I am staying right now, I have a small television in my room and it has a manual heater which I have no plan of using.

On my first day, I ate a lot of strawberries and I also went to the city library since they have a free wi-fi there, but it didn't work. After some strolling around Burnham Park, I decided to call it day. I was decided to finish reading some ebooks that I have downloaded but I was surprised that there are lots of unsecured wireless connection in my neighborhood. I was able to get online which is what I am using right now. Its not really stealing, I guess since my laptop automatically connects to them. I didn't ask my laptop to get some connection, it just worked on its own. Anyway, I was happy with my laptop, it never fails to make me proud. And as a treat for my laptop I'm gonna spend another hour here to update its software.

The place is not that cold though but I so much love to take a bath here. The water is cold, very addicting. I am planning to spend most of my days today at Burnham after I finish transferring. I don't know where can I rent some rollerblades and go roller skating. I also want to go horse back riding but it seems boring to do it here. I was not allowed back in our province to ride on our horses. I felt so envious with my cousins when they can and they can ride and have the horses running very fast. But I don't think you can have the horses there run fast, as what I have observed there just walking, so boring.

another disappointment

I just arrived from Mall of Asia. Since today/tonight is my last stay here in the Metro I decided to visit two three places. First is the Manila Ocean Park, second is Star City and the last is Mall of Asia since I will be meeting a friend there. My first problem of getting to these places is I don't know where are they located except for Mall of Asia. I searched online about their location and I just asked directions from my boardmates. Some of them are not from there but since they are here for more than a month already I have expected that they know the place, well, they don't.
I have read reviews about the Ocean Park and most of them are not good. Statements like, the place is better on pictures or it's too small in reality and just get bigger on pictures, etc. So I just decided to go to Star City. My fault is that I didn't read any reviews about the place since I was excited to ride on the rollercoaster. My boardmates know that its near Mall of Asia and that people there should know where the place is. I seldom hire a cab. They don't help me get familiar with the place, it's no fun for me and they're fares a higher compared to using jeepneys.

So from Makati I have to get to LRT and from there go to Mall of Asia. Everything was OK until when I asked a guy of how to get to Star City. He pointed out that I have to World Trade Center which I just passed by there a minute ago. So I have to get back from where I was and from there I have to walked a little. I was able to arrived at Start City but I was disappointed. Why was it shown bigger and nicer on TV and it was completely different in reality. Looking at the place, I don't know where do they shoot those images shown on TV. It was completely different at all. I would say that what they were doing on television is a false advertisement. I was imagining those people shouting and I don't think I would enjoy or get thrilled with the rides. I don't know. Maybe I just expected too much or I let my imagination work too much.

Tomorrow I will be in Baguio. Hopefully this trip will not resort to another disappointment. My charger got broken and I don't know how long will the battery of my phone last and I have to keep in touch with the person where I'll be staying. We haven't meet and don't know each other and if my phone goes dead, I'm also dead so goodluck to me.

What can I do?

My day started just fine. I am currently sharing a room with other guys. One of them is a cutie. Nerd looking but cute. However, I think he is straight. Well I'm pretty sure he is straight, too bad. But still that didn't stop me from looking at him while he is sleeping. So my day just started out fine and wonderful. Until I went online and read the news about Haiti.

I am just so thankful that there are a lot of people that are braver than me and went there and help them. The news saddened me that they will have to stop the medical evacuation for the meantime because of budget concerns. I was thinking of how can I help these people? I don't really believe in prayers. If there is an old woman trying to cross the street would I just pray that she will cross the street safely or help her? I don't really know how to express my ideas in writing right now. I can't seem to find the right words. I don't have the money to help them and I don't believe in prayers. But looking at the pictures and the videos online, I can't help but wonder why do people still pray to God? Did they pray for these catastrophe and He answered them that is why they are still praying?

First time ever I saw you

I have this ultimate crush on Rob Pengson. For those who don't know any thing about him, he's a chef. A good one, though I never tried any of his dishes but as I've seen it on TV and the reaction and comments of those who are with him, I could say that he is a good chef. I have never been entertained in a cook show before like he did. He got the talent to cook and to get my attention.

I don't think I can cook like him. I've been watching his show before, though I don't think he still has one right now. It's been a long time that I haven't seen him on television. What amused is the way he prepares food. He doesn't use any measuring instruments or maybe he does but not too often. I love the way he smiles too.

Anyway, yesterday I tried my best to explore the metro. I went to Mall of Asia and I saw him there. He was one of the judges of the 3rd Barista Grand Cup Finals. The moment I saw him in person my feelings for him vanished. How come he looks so cute and a little bit lanky on TV and but in person he looks like a little bit stocky or fat. I don't know, it could be the shirt that he is wearing. For those who has seen him in person will definitely agree with me that he looks fat in person. And to think they said that Television can make you fat. How come it has a different effect on him?

Plans...

Today I finally believed that you will never know how important things are until they are taken away from you. I know that you might have read this before several times but I am happy that I have a hands on experience about it. I already have a place to stay in Baguio. I will be staying there for a month and I've booked for a place to stay already. Hopefully I can stay there longer but my funds might not be enough. I'm travelling on a shoestring right now. I also consider what Line of Flight said that I can try Sagada. I've heard of the place somewhere, I'm sure but I don't know what is in Sagada. When I try to look online mostly its all about some religious stuff, I'm not really religious. The place is just too holy for me.

Then after my vacation I will be going back. I missed him so much. I missed him everyday. Last night we where exchanging messages till late in the evening. It's risky, I know. But the risk is worth it.

Hopefully I'll gain weight in my stay there. By the way is strawberry a seasonal fruit? Or is it available everyday?

an overdue vacation

I am considering about my friends advise, to give myself a chance. To take the risk. I know its pretty scary. To help out with my decision I have plans to clear my mind and head to Baguio next week. I might be staying there for a month or two. It's been a long time that I have been working and I haven't taken a long break. I have finally settled things about my school and I've asked for a leave for three months which they approved. I'm so grateful.

I still don't know of where will I stay. I've heard from friends that going on a vacation here in the Philippines cost the same as having a vacation in the US. You'll either get scammed by fellow Filipinos. I am considering in looking for a transient place. There are a lot of ads posted online ranging from 250 - 500 and I tried to send them a message but I got no response from them. Anybody here know of a cheap, decent place with wi-fi in baguio?

I tried to apply for a job here. They asked me to wait for a call within 24 - 48 hours. I guess I didn't make it. Anyways this could be the sign that I have to go back and follow my heart as what Herbs D. said?

Hey, Wiki

In my desperate attempt to forget him I tried to surf on some howto websites. I've checked on wikihow.com on "how to forget how much you love someone" and "how to forget about someone important." I couldn't say that it help me. Right now I really want to forget what I feel about him yet everytime I tried I failed. Something deep inside of me tells me that I shouldn't, that those memories has to be kept. However as I keep on reminiscing those memories it just makes me feel very sad. I was hoping that I would be better as the new the comes but I find myself missing him more.

I received a message from him tonight. Some messages like take care and such but what I like most is that he sent me a message telling me to go back. I know I shouldn't do it because it just complicates things but I just want to. Right now I don't care about my dreams and what I want is just to stay with him. I remembered a story by Paulo Coelho " The Alchemist " there was a part in the novel that the boy meets a girl and he felt something special about the girl. Its a feeling that you want to and the desire to live and spent your life with the person. Could this be the same feeling that I am talking about? I am scared to take this kind of risk. For I have witnessed a lot of peoples lives that got devastated because of it. I hope I'm making the right decision.

lost

In my attempt to forget him I decided to explore the city. I ask my friend of how to get to SM Megamall from Buendia, I could not follow her directions. So what I did, I went out and just ask people along the way. I am wondering my do most Filipinos either gave me a wrong direction or they are just poor in giving out direction or I am plainly - stupid. The first guy told me that I have to get a jeepney to Mantrade and from there I get on the MRT. And so I follow that his advised. I never thought that it was that far and I don't want to ask questions with the passengers either. I just pretended that I also know the place. If there is a railroad, the MRT station is near, I thought. And so halfway there ( I just figured it out ) I spotted something that looks like a railroad and after I get out of the jeepney I asked people how to get to the MRT and they told me that I am still very far from the station. I still have to ride on a jeepney again, I just realized, I should have asked people instead of just relying on my own instinct. Finally, I was able to get to the MRT.

My second problem is which direction from Magallanes station do I have to take the train. I ask one guy and he told me that it was the one heading North, I don't have a compass with me, so I just politely asked him which one and he gave me directions. He said that I have to get down on the Santolan station. On may way, I forgot which station was that, I spotted a very familiar building, it was SM Megamall however I am not yet in the Santolan station. The stupid me thought it could be that they have expanded all the way to the Santolan station and the entrance was there. And so I waited and hopped out in Santolan and later I found out that I was far from Megamall. I asked people again and they all gave me directions to go back, others said I can get on a bus while some said it would be better to use the MRT. So I used MRT and got a ticket to Shaw. When I reached there, I honestly don't know where is Megamall and I was very exhausted already that I have decided to rely on my own instinct that tells me, I have to go back and sleep, and I followed. Oh, one more thing, a friend told me that I can meet him in SM Edsa and I asked people where is SM Edsa, some told me its near SM Makati and there are some other places. My friend told me its the one near Trinoma. People said that it was SM North, do you know what is really the name of that Mall?

Last night I received a message from him. It was about half past eleven in the evening already. I know him so well that during this time he is already asleep and I was half surprised ( I was really expecting it to happen ) that I received a text message from him. He said that he missed me a lot and he can't sleep, I feel the same. But I have to learn on how to forget him or else it would be very hard in my part if I don't.

the storm

I've finally arrived. This would be a new place and hopefully better than the previous one, I hope. I was so tired for the trip and the moment I hit the bed I really wanted to sleep. However I can't. Instead I cried for several hours. I really missed him. And now, I can't even say that my decision to stay away from him is correct. I didn't thought that I was this attached to him already. However if I will not stay away from him, sooner or later we would have to take separate ways and how will I handle that situation when that day comes?

I dearly missed him right now. I should have left on a Friday and not on a Monday. We were together and shared happy moments last Saturday and Sunday and those are the memories that keep spinning in my head right now. Shall I go back and be with him again or continue? I don't think I can handle it the only thing I have right now is good memories with him which I don't want to end. This is the reason why I don't want to be attach with anyone, not even with my families however I was too dumb and such an idiot that I let my guards down when he came into my life.

I honestly don't know right now of what to do. Shall I go back or stay here and hopefully through time I'll be able to forget him and moved on and never commit another mistake. I honestly don't know.

Where are they?

It seems that I am not the only one that was gone for a long time in the blogosphere. I have checked my blogroll and I was wondering what happened to them. To these few people that I have followed since I started blogging. Only a few remains, where are the rest? What happened to them?

I have been busy updating my blogroll. A couple of bloggers have to be added. And yeah, there are new emerging bloggers that are very good. Their works are wonderful. I love reading their story, very entertaining.

I have to prepare myself too. I sense that there will be a storm coming in my life and I don't know what would be left of me after it. I will be moving to a new place. An extremely overcrowded place. A place where despite of millions of people living in a single area, the loneliness and isolation is far severe compared to the ones living in prison cells. I guess living in an overcrowded place is an ideal world to be lonely, as they said. Hopefully, not that much.

I'm writing again...

Yes, I know it has been a long time (eons ago) since my last post. And I'm gonna be blogging/writing again. It is because in the next days I will be in a state where I need an outlet of my emotion (again). I'm gonna be moving to a new place next week. Hopefully I will find a new life and the new me.

It's just that I know I'm gonna be very sad because I will be leaving someone that I love and
someone that I will surely miss which I don't know yet of how long will it take for me to forget him. And I'll be needing your support again for there is no one where I can share this. As of this moment I am thinking of his characters or something physical about him that would help me to forget him. His been very nice to me which makes matters worst. I really don't like it when the thing that I remember about a person if about his best traits, its like a nightmare to me that would haunt me in my sleep for I will always remember that person.

I haven't been writing in the past months but I have continued reading books and will continue to do so and so with my writing.