Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I have a colleague who had just have a vacation last week. He told us stories about his vacation and about his family and how much he missed them. He said that his vacation is not enough. I am happy for him for he saw his family. I always envy people who has family that they can run to whenever they have problems. Somewhere where you feel feel safe and warm. I grow up from one relative to another and I don't have that feeling of being home. I envy my cousins for they have a place where they can hide whenever they feel that the world is unsafe. I envied them because they have a place where they feel that they are loved.

It is very dreadful for me waking up everyday and going to work but I felt greater pain when I return back to the place where I live, where I feel like I am a stranger. I place I call my home yet there is no one to meet me or even ask how my day was. Being alone is sometimes good, I guess I am used to it already. But I can't help it and wish for something more than what was given to me. I can't help it but wish that I have a family. I can't help it but to feel hatred towards God for He had given others parents and I don't. I don't know if it is a sin to hate God but I know I am in the right place to feel this kind of feeling.

How I wish this sorrow would end. How I wish I can find a place I can call home where I would feel safe and warm. How I wish I could end a day in a place where someone would meet me and ask how my day was. How I wish.

11 comments :

  1. be strong. someday your wish will come true. someone will become your family to hold and comfort you when you get home. :)

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  2. there will always be US (your blogging family)around you in times like this.

    i know how you feel, where you always had that long urge to have your family around you-that warm feeling you can always call home :(

    *HUGSIES* don't worry sweetie. as long as you have that hope inside you-you can get it

    xoxo tsup tsup. you should come to our coffee dates some time :)

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  3. consider the favor God gave you by allowing you to be free of parents in the first instance, rather than having parents who treated you as though you were an orphan anyway -- one less layer for therapy.

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  4. yay. nalungkot ako sa post mo.

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  5. nalungkot din ako. hugs for you.

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  6. a home may be not a physical structure...

    you'll find yours...and him...

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  7. trust me, things can get better. in all the unfair shits in the world, there is still something to look forward to.

    let's just hope for the better. :)

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  8. ei.. don't be sad.. consider that you're still luckier than more than half the world's population that, even though they have parents,
    have abusive, drunk, addict, vile, heartless parents who don't give a damn about the welfare of their children.. at least you can be your own person.. stand on your own two feet.. I know I would love that..

    And by the way, don't be angry with God.. He always means well.. ^_^

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  9. i hope your sorrow ends, too. family doesn't have to be related by blood. your blog family's right here. :D

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  10. oh and i definitely agree with jc.tsu. God always means well. just trust that this has a purpose in the future.

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