The first time a saw someone died in front of me was almost a year ago, it was a motorcycle accident which by the time that I report to work I catch a fever. It was very traumatic and I felt numbness in my body, that feeling that you don't want to see the incident but you can't move. When my aunt in my father side called me before informing me that my grandmother died I felt nothing and the call lasted less than a minute. When I was informed that my grandfather in my mother's side died I didn't shed a tear. I felt bad about it because no matter what I think of those moments that I was with them I couldn't remember an incident where I was happy or that I felt that they loved me. My grandfather said that when he dies nobody would cry or be sad, I didn't. I hope my grandfather was happy about it since I didn't cry nor I wasn't sad too.
The economic situation has hit the company where I work. It surely hit us and it hit us hard. But I don't want to resign. It's like if I am with the Titanic and its already sinking what I would do is just to secure a lifevest then I woudn't jump out of the boat, I would stay. I would stay and watch as people struggle to survive. I just as how people would face death. It is the same with the where I work. I don't want to resign because I just want to be there. I want to feel and see how people would react when they are getting less pay than usual. I want to be there when they tell you about their problems and how they manage to meet their daily needs with the pay that they are getting. I want to be there when the company slowly dies and is consumed by death. I want to be there as employees are getting less everyday. I want to see it, it's like seeing death in movies, only real.
I have seen a lot of dead people already, some of them died of sickness others are from accidents. But after the accident they look so peaceful and are free from pain. I hope I can be like them too. Free from pain. Everybody struggles to survive and only a few appreciates the beauty of death. Only a few recognizes of what death can offer, freedom from pain.