Monday, April 27, 2009

To You

I just don't know if this is true or not or whether You are real or not. I have read and statistics show that you have millions of followers and all saying that You are good, understanding, powerful, the creator of everything. I have been asking prayers to You eversince, I can't recall one of them answered. They are things not for me, I know but for Your children that you dearly loved, I know I am not one of them. I envy how You take care of your people and how much You love them. I wish I was one of them but I could never be. And I don't want to claim that I am Your child and worthy of Your love for time will come that You will repudiate my claim. I have been living with Your people and I can say that You are a loving Father to them, they are well taken care of.

I have asked things from You before, I couldn't the nights that I've cried for You to hear my prayers but you remain silent, I can say that You might be busy taking care of Your people. It may take days for you to read this letter of mine for You but I would be glad if You can spend a few minutes of Your time to read my letter and answer my request. You might not have any idea of how hard it is to living with my relatives but it is very hard let me tell You. There hasn't been a single day that I didn't wish not to be born. But of course my relatives are Your children and they need a slave, they need someone to work for them and sleep at one in the morning and wake up at five. They need a slave who would take care of them, remind them of their medicines to take, take care of their children, answer their assignments, cook for them, clean their house, wash their clothes and work for their farms. You may not be please with how I served Your children but I did all the best that I can do. Your children have thrown mud, stone, words that pierced my hear and every inch of my body hated them so much and I know that I should not feel that way. I know that Your children have the right to treat me the way they want me to but I can't help it and for that I ask for Your forgiveness.

Do You still remember that night that I asked You for a challenge and You didn't answer? I guess You are busy at that night for until now I haven't heard from it or this might be the answer already. I admit and surrender. I am so scared to face another day. I barely finish this day but I did and I am so scared to face another day. I am scared of Your power. I can never be Your child that I know, I can never be to the place that You have prepared for Your children that is certain. To all of Your children that I have hurt I ask for Your forgiveness. I have read that once You have answered I prayer from someone who is not one of Your child and so I am taking this chance. If You happen to read this letter will You please grant my request? I am begging for Your forgiveness and that please answer my prayer this time. Please do not be silent, please do not turn Your face away from me. I can no longer take another day, I can no longer endure the pain. Please make it stop. Please end this curse and let my body rest. I pray that once I close my eyes today it would remain that way until my body would be eaten by worms and be gone forever. This is my only plea and I hope and pray that You would hear me this time. I don't know how to send this message to You so that You would hear it but I just hope that one of Your children reads this letter and to let You know that I am waiting for You to answer my prayer. I have been waiting for more than twenty years already and I will continue to wait. Your children said that I should not take this life away and I follow their orders but I am scared and I don't know of how long will I be able to follow them.

I didn't ask for happiness, I didn't ask wealth for Your children needs them more than I do and I don't want to claim them either for I know that You will not like it and they are not for me to keep and I do not have the right to claim these things. Just let my body rest and let me feel nothing, no joy, no pain, no happiness and no sorrow. I don't know if I have claim something that belongs to one of Your children for I have no wisdom to determine the things that are not for me and I am not intelligent either. If You happen to be reading this letter up to this part I am deeply thankful that You take the time. And so I pray that you please let me be free from pain and sorrow, please let me die, please take my life away. This I pray in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.



  1. i hope i could finish reading this post...

    ang pinagkaiba natin, during childhood pa ako humihingi ng sagot o pagtugon but I didn't hear anything from Him

    til one day, i decided to wish for my immediate death, ika ko, wala naman akong pupuntahan malamang paglaki ko...

    still, He didn't answer

    occasionally, He gave me presents... akala Niya siguro sasaya na ako nang ganun

    hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangang pagdaan ko iyon at magpatuloy ang ganun...


    but i just couldn't help myself from crying again... napapa-isip ulit tuloy ako sa mga bagay na di noon nasagot.

    indeed, naitabi ko lang ang mga isyung iyon BUT NOT SETTLED

    I WISH pansamantala mo ring malimutan ang mga ito..i-enjoy natin muna ang buhay

  2. i think you might just be afraid of your own power and early experiences with evil may have given you incentive to externalize your power. but the fact that you are living shows that your power believes you will be able to consciously reclaim it.