mothballs

The sky is clear here today from where I live. I get out of my room early to catch some sunshine. I felt so good as it gently touches my skin. As I passed by the row of houses, I smelled a faintest scent of mothballs in the air which reminds me of my grandparents house. I let my thoughts wallow with some memories that I can remember about that house. I imagined myself like I was in the middle of a lake fishing out words or memories that can help me remember the things I have done while I stayed there. I love the scent of that house, a mix of mothballs and some cheap perfume that smells like alcohol.

While remembering this, I want to go back to my room and curl up in bed. I just want to remember the things back of what I have done when I stayed in that house. I want to relive those things that had happened in my life. I feel like I wanted to reply my life when I was there. My memories of that house are mostly bad but I still miss that house. It is where I stayed and slept and felt the comfort of a home. That house served as my refuge when I don't want to go to the farm and pretended that I was sick. It is where I also spent most of my childhood mostly I stayed inside my room while children of my age were playing outside. I felt secured in that house. I felt that everything I need is just in there and that I don't have to get out, that I can live for a year or spend my entire life inside without going out. I used to think that it was the only place where I am the boss, I used to think that I am the owner of the place when I was still young.

I sometimes wants to buy mothballs and place them in my room and then sprinkle a bottle of alcohol. I sometimes wants to do that. I sometimes wants to be a child again, hide in the closet. I sometimes wish that I don't have to get out and everything I need is just inside my room or a house that I can call my own.