Sunday, January 31, 2010

another disappointment

I just arrived from Mall of Asia. Since today/tonight is my last stay here in the Metro I decided to visit two three places. First is the Manila Ocean Park, second is Star City and the last is Mall of Asia since I will be meeting a friend there. My first problem of getting to these places is I don't know where are they located except for Mall of Asia. I searched online about their location and I just asked directions from my boardmates. Some of them are not from there but since they are here for more than a month already I have expected that they know the place, well, they don't.
I have read reviews about the Ocean Park and most of them are not good. Statements like, the place is better on pictures or it's too small in reality and just get bigger on pictures, etc. So I just decided to go to Star City. My fault is that I didn't read any reviews about the place since I was excited to ride on the rollercoaster. My boardmates know that its near Mall of Asia and that people there should know where the place is. I seldom hire a cab. They don't help me get familiar with the place, it's no fun for me and they're fares a higher compared to using jeepneys.

So from Makati I have to get to LRT and from there go to Mall of Asia. Everything was OK until when I asked a guy of how to get to Star City. He pointed out that I have to World Trade Center which I just passed by there a minute ago. So I have to get back from where I was and from there I have to walked a little. I was able to arrived at Start City but I was disappointed. Why was it shown bigger and nicer on TV and it was completely different in reality. Looking at the place, I don't know where do they shoot those images shown on TV. It was completely different at all. I would say that what they were doing on television is a false advertisement. I was imagining those people shouting and I don't think I would enjoy or get thrilled with the rides. I don't know. Maybe I just expected too much or I let my imagination work too much.

Tomorrow I will be in Baguio. Hopefully this trip will not resort to another disappointment. My charger got broken and I don't know how long will the battery of my phone last and I have to keep in touch with the person where I'll be staying. We haven't meet and don't know each other and if my phone goes dead, I'm also dead so goodluck to me.

What can I do?

My day started just fine. I am currently sharing a room with other guys. One of them is a cutie. Nerd looking but cute. However, I think he is straight. Well I'm pretty sure he is straight, too bad. But still that didn't stop me from looking at him while he is sleeping. So my day just started out fine and wonderful. Until I went online and read the news about Haiti.

I am just so thankful that there are a lot of people that are braver than me and went there and help them. The news saddened me that they will have to stop the medical evacuation for the meantime because of budget concerns. I was thinking of how can I help these people? I don't really believe in prayers. If there is an old woman trying to cross the street would I just pray that she will cross the street safely or help her? I don't really know how to express my ideas in writing right now. I can't seem to find the right words. I don't have the money to help them and I don't believe in prayers. But looking at the pictures and the videos online, I can't help but wonder why do people still pray to God? Did they pray for these catastrophe and He answered them that is why they are still praying?

Saturday, January 30, 2010

First time ever I saw you

I have this ultimate crush on Rob Pengson. For those who don't know any thing about him, he's a chef. A good one, though I never tried any of his dishes but as I've seen it on TV and the reaction and comments of those who are with him, I could say that he is a good chef. I have never been entertained in a cook show before like he did. He got the talent to cook and to get my attention.

I don't think I can cook like him. I've been watching his show before, though I don't think he still has one right now. It's been a long time that I haven't seen him on television. What amused is the way he prepares food. He doesn't use any measuring instruments or maybe he does but not too often. I love the way he smiles too.

Anyway, yesterday I tried my best to explore the metro. I went to Mall of Asia and I saw him there. He was one of the judges of the 3rd Barista Grand Cup Finals. The moment I saw him in person my feelings for him vanished. How come he looks so cute and a little bit lanky on TV and but in person he looks like a little bit stocky or fat. I don't know, it could be the shirt that he is wearing. For those who has seen him in person will definitely agree with me that he looks fat in person. And to think they said that Television can make you fat. How come it has a different effect on him?

Friday, January 29, 2010


Today I finally believed that you will never know how important things are until they are taken away from you. I know that you might have read this before several times but I am happy that I have a hands on experience about it. I already have a place to stay in Baguio. I will be staying there for a month and I've booked for a place to stay already. Hopefully I can stay there longer but my funds might not be enough. I'm travelling on a shoestring right now. I also consider what Line of Flight said that I can try Sagada. I've heard of the place somewhere, I'm sure but I don't know what is in Sagada. When I try to look online mostly its all about some religious stuff, I'm not really religious. The place is just too holy for me.

Then after my vacation I will be going back. I missed him so much. I missed him everyday. Last night we where exchanging messages till late in the evening. It's risky, I know. But the risk is worth it.

Hopefully I'll gain weight in my stay there. By the way is strawberry a seasonal fruit? Or is it available everyday?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

an overdue vacation

I am considering about my friends advise, to give myself a chance. To take the risk. I know its pretty scary. To help out with my decision I have plans to clear my mind and head to Baguio next week. I might be staying there for a month or two. It's been a long time that I have been working and I haven't taken a long break. I have finally settled things about my school and I've asked for a leave for three months which they approved. I'm so grateful.

I still don't know of where will I stay. I've heard from friends that going on a vacation here in the Philippines cost the same as having a vacation in the US. You'll either get scammed by fellow Filipinos. I am considering in looking for a transient place. There are a lot of ads posted online ranging from 250 - 500 and I tried to send them a message but I got no response from them. Anybody here know of a cheap, decent place with wi-fi in baguio?

I tried to apply for a job here. They asked me to wait for a call within 24 - 48 hours. I guess I didn't make it. Anyways this could be the sign that I have to go back and follow my heart as what Herbs D. said?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Hey, Wiki

In my desperate attempt to forget him I tried to surf on some howto websites. I've checked on on "how to forget how much you love someone" and "how to forget about someone important." I couldn't say that it help me. Right now I really want to forget what I feel about him yet everytime I tried I failed. Something deep inside of me tells me that I shouldn't, that those memories has to be kept. However as I keep on reminiscing those memories it just makes me feel very sad. I was hoping that I would be better as the new the comes but I find myself missing him more.

I received a message from him tonight. Some messages like take care and such but what I like most is that he sent me a message telling me to go back. I know I shouldn't do it because it just complicates things but I just want to. Right now I don't care about my dreams and what I want is just to stay with him. I remembered a story by Paulo Coelho " The Alchemist " there was a part in the novel that the boy meets a girl and he felt something special about the girl. Its a feeling that you want to and the desire to live and spent your life with the person. Could this be the same feeling that I am talking about? I am scared to take this kind of risk. For I have witnessed a lot of peoples lives that got devastated because of it. I hope I'm making the right decision.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


In my attempt to forget him I decided to explore the city. I ask my friend of how to get to SM Megamall from Buendia, I could not follow her directions. So what I did, I went out and just ask people along the way. I am wondering my do most Filipinos either gave me a wrong direction or they are just poor in giving out direction or I am plainly - stupid. The first guy told me that I have to get a jeepney to Mantrade and from there I get on the MRT. And so I follow that his advised. I never thought that it was that far and I don't want to ask questions with the passengers either. I just pretended that I also know the place. If there is a railroad, the MRT station is near, I thought. And so halfway there ( I just figured it out ) I spotted something that looks like a railroad and after I get out of the jeepney I asked people how to get to the MRT and they told me that I am still very far from the station. I still have to ride on a jeepney again, I just realized, I should have asked people instead of just relying on my own instinct. Finally, I was able to get to the MRT.

My second problem is which direction from Magallanes station do I have to take the train. I ask one guy and he told me that it was the one heading North, I don't have a compass with me, so I just politely asked him which one and he gave me directions. He said that I have to get down on the Santolan station. On may way, I forgot which station was that, I spotted a very familiar building, it was SM Megamall however I am not yet in the Santolan station. The stupid me thought it could be that they have expanded all the way to the Santolan station and the entrance was there. And so I waited and hopped out in Santolan and later I found out that I was far from Megamall. I asked people again and they all gave me directions to go back, others said I can get on a bus while some said it would be better to use the MRT. So I used MRT and got a ticket to Shaw. When I reached there, I honestly don't know where is Megamall and I was very exhausted already that I have decided to rely on my own instinct that tells me, I have to go back and sleep, and I followed. Oh, one more thing, a friend told me that I can meet him in SM Edsa and I asked people where is SM Edsa, some told me its near SM Makati and there are some other places. My friend told me its the one near Trinoma. People said that it was SM North, do you know what is really the name of that Mall?

Last night I received a message from him. It was about half past eleven in the evening already. I know him so well that during this time he is already asleep and I was half surprised ( I was really expecting it to happen ) that I received a text message from him. He said that he missed me a lot and he can't sleep, I feel the same. But I have to learn on how to forget him or else it would be very hard in my part if I don't.

Monday, January 25, 2010

the storm

I've finally arrived. This would be a new place and hopefully better than the previous one, I hope. I was so tired for the trip and the moment I hit the bed I really wanted to sleep. However I can't. Instead I cried for several hours. I really missed him. And now, I can't even say that my decision to stay away from him is correct. I didn't thought that I was this attached to him already. However if I will not stay away from him, sooner or later we would have to take separate ways and how will I handle that situation when that day comes?

I dearly missed him right now. I should have left on a Friday and not on a Monday. We were together and shared happy moments last Saturday and Sunday and those are the memories that keep spinning in my head right now. Shall I go back and be with him again or continue? I don't think I can handle it the only thing I have right now is good memories with him which I don't want to end. This is the reason why I don't want to be attach with anyone, not even with my families however I was too dumb and such an idiot that I let my guards down when he came into my life.

I honestly don't know right now of what to do. Shall I go back or stay here and hopefully through time I'll be able to forget him and moved on and never commit another mistake. I honestly don't know.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Where are they?

It seems that I am not the only one that was gone for a long time in the blogosphere. I have checked my blogroll and I was wondering what happened to them. To these few people that I have followed since I started blogging. Only a few remains, where are the rest? What happened to them?

I have been busy updating my blogroll. A couple of bloggers have to be added. And yeah, there are new emerging bloggers that are very good. Their works are wonderful. I love reading their story, very entertaining.

I have to prepare myself too. I sense that there will be a storm coming in my life and I don't know what would be left of me after it. I will be moving to a new place. An extremely overcrowded place. A place where despite of millions of people living in a single area, the loneliness and isolation is far severe compared to the ones living in prison cells. I guess living in an overcrowded place is an ideal world to be lonely, as they said. Hopefully, not that much.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I'm writing again...

Yes, I know it has been a long time (eons ago) since my last post. And I'm gonna be blogging/writing again. It is because in the next days I will be in a state where I need an outlet of my emotion (again). I'm gonna be moving to a new place next week. Hopefully I will find a new life and the new me.

It's just that I know I'm gonna be very sad because I will be leaving someone that I love and
someone that I will surely miss which I don't know yet of how long will it take for me to forget him. And I'll be needing your support again for there is no one where I can share this. As of this moment I am thinking of his characters or something physical about him that would help me to forget him. His been very nice to me which makes matters worst. I really don't like it when the thing that I remember about a person if about his best traits, its like a nightmare to me that would haunt me in my sleep for I will always remember that person.

I haven't been writing in the past months but I have continued reading books and will continue to do so and so with my writing.