I have spent my childhood living with my relatives. From my aunts, uncles and grandparents. Something that I don't want to remember but I could not forget. There is one thing that they have in common that I have noticed, the feared God. They believe that God is a loving and forgiving persona, someone who is very Holy. I used to believe that its true. I used to believe that God is loving, forgiving and someone who is powerful than Santa Claus who grants your prayers.
When I have to move to my grandparents my uncle gave me a Bible. He said that I should read it and that all that are written on it are true. But as I grew up I feel that there is a space between me and God. As I read the Bible and looked back of what happened in my life, I'd say that the Bible is lying. I read nothing but pure lies when I compared of what is written to what happened to me.
How I wish that I didn't inherit religion from them. I wish that I was given the freedom before to choose whatever religion I would like to have. Now, I have nothing but hatred towards God because what I believed about Him when I was a child. I look at him now as such a great liar. If by burning the Bible could make me forget Him I should certainly do that. I have read it several times and none of the words written are true to me. God was never true to His words to me when I read the Bible. As I live each day and words from the Bible keep running on my head, if these were the words of the one real God I promised that when I die, He can never have my soul.
When I have to move to my grandparents my uncle gave me a Bible. He said that I should read it and that all that are written on it are true. But as I grew up I feel that there is a space between me and God. As I read the Bible and looked back of what happened in my life, I'd say that the Bible is lying. I read nothing but pure lies when I compared of what is written to what happened to me.
How I wish that I didn't inherit religion from them. I wish that I was given the freedom before to choose whatever religion I would like to have. Now, I have nothing but hatred towards God because what I believed about Him when I was a child. I look at him now as such a great liar. If by burning the Bible could make me forget Him I should certainly do that. I have read it several times and none of the words written are true to me. God was never true to His words to me when I read the Bible. As I live each day and words from the Bible keep running on my head, if these were the words of the one real God I promised that when I die, He can never have my soul.
consider that it might just be possible that the real God is really internal to you. religion comes from the work in latin which mean to bind. yet, if the real God is within you, you can cast off any chains your ancestors have put on you at any time -- and in that process redeem both you and them.
ReplyDeletei feel sorry for you...you must have had a bad past
ReplyDeleteWhy? You know, I used to have a bad past before. I had a traumatic experience which if you would want, I would willingly share to you.
ReplyDeleteBut eventually, I was able to find God. And then, I found peace.
Sometimes, we need to forgive ourselves in order to be free from all the guilt, pain and loneliness.
Goodluck on your journey in life!