a year ago

I can't tell whether I slept soundly or this could be a lack of sleep but I woke up today with the sound of the alarm of my phone and I have to double checked the time of both of my phones to make sure that the clock is showing the right time. I checked the messages in my phone inbox and I received text messages from friends and one is complaining of how hot the day was which I haven't even noticed it, I might have slept soundly but my body says that I am still so sleepy and its just like I slept for an hour or less. This is a time of the day where I don't really like to get up and go to work. This is the time that again I asked God that my one last wish from Him is for me to die and not to wake up or if He can't grant me that one wish today then at least He would be kind enough to grant my other wish that my life has to end before I reach 30 years old. I was there laying in bed thinking what would happen if I die.

It was the same day a year ago when I witnessed death. It was three in the morning, I was on my way to work and a motorcycle crashed just a few meters away from where I am standing. I can still remember how the motorcycle wiggled and how it flew up in the air just like what you're seeing in action movies and the motorcycle landed and hit the driver on the head and the gas tank hit his body. I only saw a few blood. But the onlookers including myself could tell that the guy is already dead. I went to work that guy yet I could feel my stomach churning and I couldn't eat properly during my break. Later that day I could feel my body temperature rising when I went to school to take my final exams later that afternoon I already had a fever.

I haven't seen a doctor and I had that fever for four days. On the fifth day I felt better but when I arrived at work my colleague said that I look so red and that he noticed red marks on my skin (I think you call them rashes) and I went downstairs to have myself checked in the clinic. The doctor said that I have German measles. I asked if it was deadly and he said yes and could be fatal but not that much. He asked if I want to be admitted in the hospital and I declined and said that I can take care of myself. I have been admitted in the hospital before and is really hard especially when you don't have any relatives that you can call. I have stayed in the hospital before for a night alone and is really hard. On my way home because the doctor said that I have to stay indoors until the rashes were gone I bought 2 loaves of bread and a jar of peanut butter. I have done nothing in that entire week in my room but watched the entire five season of Queer as Folk and Bourne series and the Pirate of the Caribbean. I didn't feel lonely though. I stayed there for a week and whenver I get hungry I have that two loaves of bread and a jar of peanut butter to eat. A year has passed and I survived that illness and I am no longer eating loaves of bread with peanut butter when I am hungry. It was a year and my life was spared. I don't want to think that it was God who saved me, I don't like the idea. I can't even imagine that God would save me from death, I don't think I am worth of His time or attention. I was just thankful though that I survived because of that two loaves of bread and a jar of peanut butter.