how does if feel?

I often envy my friends and colleague if they tell me what are their achievements so far in life. Most of them are honor students in elementary and high school. I couldn't remember being the part of the top students in the class. I remember this when I was in high school that in almost all of my subjects every end of periodical grading I would bring floor wax or soft brooms or would water the plants just to pull my grade to the passing rate. I remember this one subject Filipino, I was a junior in high school at that time and my teacher was so boring that she would just sit in front of us and read Noli Me Tangere. At the end of the grading since its either I was sleeping or talking to my seatmates I failed and she said that I have to summarize the entire Noli Me Tangere in a yellow pad and I have to come up with a summary of one page for each chapter! That was really the worst.

I would just often asked my colleagues today of how does it feel to be on top. I sometimes saw my schoolmates who were in the first section before and I don't like to be like them at that time. They just spend most of their time reading books that are either tattered and torn or so boring. None of them tried cutting classes, I think. Even though I never made it on the top of the class I really have so much fun then. I have this classmate and what we do is sit in the back row and we just read books. She prefers to read those romantic tagalog novels. I've read some of them, I can still remember one author, Helen Meriz. I just don't like it though because its all about love so I prefer to read those books written by Sidney Sheldon, John Grisham and Robert Ludlum. In the end, when the new school year starts, I just learned that she got pregnant. I haven't heard of her after that time. But my performance in school continued. I don't know but it seems that I know the lessons already and my teacher and classmates just view me as a dumb one. I just don't know how does an intelligent person would act according to their moral standard I guess that is why they viewed me as a dumb one. I have this one proof that I am not dumb as what they think because there was this history teacher of mine of gave me a failing grade when I was still a junior then she was our proctor for the NSAT at that time which I couldn't remember that I took the exam, anyway, on the first day of her class she conducted an examination and I got a perfect score while most of my classmates failed.

I have so much fun at school even though my grades were very poor. I guess its true that the ladder to success is never crowded at the top. I don't wanna be on top of that means that I am alone and no friends, just alone. Although I am living alone right now but I still have friends and like every failure that I encountered I have others who are experiencing the same thing too and that somehow would ease the pain a little bit. Its not that I don't want them to be successful but just that I feel fine knowing that we are on the same situation. There are a lot though who are more successful than me, they have accomplished this and that which would take years for me to achieve. I would say that being here of where I am right now I have so much fun. There is cheating at a school which I know is not good but I don't know why I find pleasure of doing it. I just want to be successful one day, I want to be just like that same person that I admire the most, I just want to know how does it feel to be successful.