Identification

They said that fingerprints are like our personality, no two people can have the same. However in this world that we are living right now I'm pretty much sure that we have our own identities that are unique to us and I just experienced that in my life recently. It was supposed to be a sexy and steaming night but it ended a little bit funny nevertheless I still had fun.

So I was in this place and just let's just say "fishing." And so a fish came and made some small talks something that you'd probably seen in TV where people are trying to make the other person feel that you are far interesting than the other person in order for you to be interested in that person. And so I was interested in this person and we decided to have our private moments. While we were having this private moment and when he started touching me in my most intimate parts that was just so heaven he said "Oh, we already had sex before" and I was like "really?" and his reply caught me by surprise "Yeah, I recognized your dick, here grab mine and hope you'll remember" and I did and so yeah, we indeed had sex before.

2014 Bucket List

My bucket list for 2014 is almost complete however just like my bucket list last year I keep on deleting and adding some the entire year. But hopefully I would be able to accomplish if not all the majority of the things that I have on my list. 

One of the things that I am hoping that I would be able to accomplish this year is to go to Baler and learn how to surf. This has been in my bucket list last year but I wasn't able to accomplish it. So I am hoping that I would be able to go there either in March or June of this year and spend even just three days learning how to surf. 

Next on the list is to visit Sagada, I don't know why I didn't go there last 2010 when I was already in Baguio. I tried going there last year however when I was in Baguio it rained every afternoon and I was scared to travel up north because I saw on TV that the road going there is not safe even in fine weather. I spent almost three weeks in Baguio hoping that things will get better but it didn't. Hopefully this year I will be able to visit Sagada. 

Last year I was reading about Game Theory and this year I am planning to have a deeper understanding about it. I joined an online class about this, its a little bit difficult. 

I still have a lot of errors in my grammar, gawd. This quarter I should get a copy of The Elements of Style. Also to read more novels and books its just too bad that my Kindle stopped working. Half of the screen just freezes. I tried already all the possible solutions online and none of them worked. I'm still thinking of getting one but I think I'll go for an Ipad this time. Though the reading experience is not the same however most of my ebooks are in PDF formats. 

Good luck to all of us this 2014, the year of the "WHORES."

Oh! Hello there 2014!

I spent several days on the last month and the first day of this year looking for a pen. My colleagues at work can't even comprehend why I bother on such a small things and some of them even joke on giving their pens to me. I have been planning on buying a fountain pen for myself but I most of them are just way too big for my small hands. I've been eyeing on getting either a Cross Century Slim fountain pen or a Pilot Birdie or Pilot Cavalier. On the second I am just starting in fountain pens and I don't wanna spend five thousand pesos because I might not like using them after all.

Some people are selling a Pilot Birdie online and they cost less than one thousand pesos, I think it would be a great fountain pen for starters like me.  But for the mean time I am looking on having that perfect micro tip gel ink pens which I spent four hours yesterday looking for one. There are just this cute metal needlepoint pens but I really like but too bad they are not for sale here in the Philippines. I asked some of my friends in Japan to get me this Ohto needle-point Slime Line. I have a sample picture below:

Even if I would be able to get one if would be impossible to find  a refill or a good refill that would be compatible for this pen. I just don't know if they are really slim as I haven't hold a really one. I hope this is not one of those experience I had with Lamy ST and Lamy Logo, it was stated online that they were slim however they were actually not slim enough for my taste when I finally saw the real one. 

However I was still lucky yesterday as I was able to get hold of this slim pen, the Zebra Fortia 500 twist and I paid Php 275 for the item. Its not a cheap pen but its not one that belongs to the high end category of pens. I think its of the same size of those Cross Century ballpoints which I also plan to buy. I have the a sample picture of the product below: 

I think they are of the same size of the Ohto Slimline but I am not sure. So that what keeps me busy on the first day of 2014, looking for that special pen. The next thing on my list is to get a planner, I have a friend who promised to give me a starbucks planner but I don't know what happened to that. I've considered buying a Navi Life Navigator planner but I think its just expensive and I prefer of customizing my own so I settled for a Yeah notebook (unlined).

Happy Holidays!!!

Number 28: Ang Ladlad

Philippine politics is one of the dirtiest yet the most profitable enterprise in the world. I wonder how these politicians could face their families. I hate to particitpate in politics specially the election however I think that maybe the reason why this country is in a bad shape and full of corrupt officials is because of people like me. Those who do not care and just complain. Those who refused to stand up for what is right and speak up.  I decided that I will vote for this coming election.

This coming election would be my first time to vote. Like any other voters I wish that the winners are those that are selected in my ballot. This seem to be impossible to happen. I already have some senators to vote but I still haven't completed my list. Some of my colleagues are planning to vote too but they are not planning to complete the list for 12 senators. I totally disagree to some that they do not complete voting for the 12 seat and feeling good about it, its just like giving a change to those corrupt officials. We may not have the perfect candidate but surely a lesser evil will do.

In line with this post I would like to ask you to please vote for the party list "Ang Ladlad."  I would like to make an argument on why I chose to support this party list but I guess the word "equality" would sum it all. My eyes are not blind on how the LGBTcommunity has suffered and this partylist was even rejected by the COMELEC yet allowed bogus partylists to join the 2010 election.

will be there...

One of my goals for this year is to visit at least three places within the year. I already had the list and the dates and I already imagined myself being there and having an adventure of my life. However due to recent economic news about the country I have to make changes on my plans. But here is the original plan of the dates and the places that I plannned to visit this year:

1. Puerto Galera during the Holy Week. I have been dreaming of spending a night of endless drinking and on this place. They said that you can party here during the Holy Week and you don't to worry about what other people would say about you in the morning. You can be naughty and nobody will care, almost nobody. However when I was all prepared and excited for this trip the recent news about the Philippines being upgraded to investment grade by Fitch has changed my decision and I ended saving it for a stock that I am plannning to buy. My leave has already been approved and I can no longer retract it so I ended spending my Holy Week in Manila reading books.

2. Baler - I want to go surfing in Baler. Maybe develop it into a hobby. I don't know how to skate nor have any idea on how will I balance myself once I'm on the surfboard but I think its exciting. I'm planning to go there this June or July during rainy season as I was expecting that the waves would be high, it would be much fun, I guess.

3. Batad or Sagada - I saw pictures of bloggers who has been there and the place is just marvelous. I still can't decide of where should I go but I think I woudl probably choose Sagada. I am planning to go there this May as a graduation gift to myself. I didn't attend school's graduation ceremony as I'd rather use the money for my vacation. Hopefully its worth it, I don't like ceremonies either so missing it doesnt really matter at all.

Hello Bloglines

I seldom go out and meet people however I have this personal desire to be able to relate to any topic that might be discuss when I meet people. From the latest TV series to current events I wanted to make sure that I am still a part of this world. This week I am planning to watched the entire first two seasons of Game of Thrones. 

I've been trying to read almost all blogs that I subscribed to and I was thankful when web aggregators was created. One of them which I prefer using compared to others because its user friendly is google reader but for some reason they will be shutting it down. I've been trying to look for a web aggregator that is as user friendly as Google Reader. I've been searching online and most of the result shows bloglines next to Google Reader. I remember trying out bloglines before but for some reason why I was lost along the way on how to add blogs and news sites that I view regularly. 

Until today, I have decided to export the contents from Google Reader to bloglines. It was very painful that I just decided to manually add them. I don't know how this would work for others who are using Google Reader. One thing that I don't like about these aggregators and I don't know how to fix them is regarding the contents that it displays. For some reason it doesn't display the entire article, I have to good to the page source in order for me to view its entire contents. Does anybody knows how to fix this or is there a better web aggregator that could displaythe entire web content?

2013 (goals)

I reviewed my goals for 2012 and accomplished only about 50%  of it.

This year I've been planning to be more productive and stick to my goals. Most life coach would agree that you need to share your goals with someone and so I am sharing my goals for 2013.

1. Increase stock investments - I have been investing into stock market for quite sometime now and I enjoyed its ups and downs LOL. I am not really fond of expensive things but I consider buying stocks as shopping. Our country has a very low financial literacy and most of us wonder why most Filipinos are poor.

2. Join a charity group - I have three charity group in mind that I would like to help. I can't help financially at this time and I would like to help them in other ways. Here are my choices, please help me choose one:

• a. Home for the Golden Gays - I don't know if they accept volunteers or they're just into cash donations. If someone knows how to be a volunteer please do send me an email. I am available mostly during Saturdays.

• b. PAWS - I love pets! However there are some media reports in the past that made me think twice of joining them. I love their cause of caring for those abandoned and abused pets however they had been very vocal and active about some people who are eating dogs. I am honestly not against eating dogs though I don't think that I would eat dogs. It is just not clear to me why we allow some people to eat fish, cow, pigs and other animals yet why condemned people who ate dogs? If you are a purely vegetarian I would understand your sentiments about dog consumption however if you are a meat love who are you to judge which animals are to be consumed and which ones are not? I believe that other animals feel the same pain when they are slaughtered.

• c. Cultural Center of the Philippines - There's a post on their website that they are accepting volunteers and I think I would get a nice exposure to the Filipino talents and learn more about our culture, chos!

3. Attend a Zen seminar. I don't want to be part of any religion. I tried having a relationship with God when I was still young and it didn't work out. When I watched the movie Avatar I then realized that the God that I've been looking for is just like Eywa. A God that doesn't take sides but only protects the balance of things. When I read the Bible, I've read about God and its chosen People, to me its racism. I've never been the favorite child when I was young and I don't want to be either, I just want me and my brother to be loved equally by my mother which I now understand is impossible. I hope by attending in one of its seminars would help me :"focus" on things that matters in my life.

4. Read more books. By the way who has a copy of Jamie Whyte's Crimes Against Logic? Even if its just an ebook please do send me a copy, Here's my email address: gram.math@yahoo.com

.... to be continued

Study Center

I had been looking for an ideal place to study. The city where I came from is not as big as Metro Manila but they have these so called study centers. You can rent a desk and sometimes it even has a wi-fi the fee would range from 10 - 20 pesos. I had been looking for one here in Metro Manila but could not find one. Anybody knows where can I find such an establishment?  I would like to study in the convenience of my room but most of the time I ended up sleeping. 

Last night I went to a McDonalds store to complete by school requirements. They also have a good bandwidth for their wi-fi so I ended up downloading huge chunks of files from the web. The  thing that I don't like though is that the place of course is not convenient for studying.  Last night, they played this song which I then downloaded and had been listening to it several times.
 

I finished all my school requirements for this week. Tonight, I plan to celebrate it by going to Malate or Ortigas.

dating...

I went to a date last night. Despite of my busy schedule I find it hard to face this Valentines Day being single. So I thought that rushing out there in the open crowd and dating someone would help. Even if I am in no rush the guy I dated last night, in terms of physical appearance is quite a catch. So when he asked if I can go out with him somewhere since we were not able to know each other better on our first meeting I said yes.

I know that meeting him would bring whatever we have to the next level which is supposed to excite me but I had some doubts. Either I am already comfortable being single or I am used to it, I couldn't really tell. But as I am on my way to meet him my thoughts were on how many assignments I would have to rush to complete just to have a time for him. How I can no longer flirt and enjoy the dating scene because I am already taken. Or how I would miss going to the theater alone and miss the company of myself. But on the other hand I was thinking that it should be time for me to have a partner. Someone that I can share dreams and we can dream together and then conquer the world, well maybe not really into conquering the world but retiring together at the end of the day and share with that person how our day was.

When I met him, he was no longer the guy that I first met. He keeps on talking about the previous guy that he dated and how good looking they are. Well, I am not good looking but I am not that bad looking either. He called someone and turned the speaker on and I could hear their conversation. I then realized I should have just go with my friend and get drunk somewhere in Malate instead of being with him.

When I arrived home last night I was depressed. I already felt heartbroken before our love story has started or maybe because it was all my fault. I was thinking too much. That is just I told myself but I guess I have to changed my way of how I view the world. Think less and expect because it always ends up hurting myself.

As I woke up today the I could still feel the pain but on the other hand it would be better right than spending days with a guy who would just make me feel miserable for many days and maybe even years.

Happy Valentines Day everyone.

The Ugly Duckling

I have this old schoolmate who added me on facebook a long time ago. I didn't really get excited and all because he is not really my type. We exchange messages and he asked for my number and out of courtesy I also asked for his but I never bother saving it in my phone. He never sent a single text and that was fine with me. Whenever I go online he was the one who always initiates to message me and my replies were very short, showing that I am not interested in having a conversation with him. 

Today, I was asked by my teacher to write a synthesis which is really a new word for me. I wish she had used a word that I can comprehend. I promised to myself that I only get online once a week and I have to break that promise today because I have to searched and asked my good friend google on what is synthesis and how do I create one. I was bombarded with information that made me even more confused. So I open my facebook and was browsing on pictures. and Lo! There he was, all good looking and with a body that made me drool. If he didn't post a picture of him shirtless I wouldn't have notice how good looking he is. And so I sent him a message since he is online, which is by the way most of the time that is why I wonder if he has a life. And he become snobbish already and it feels like we are in a reverse mode now.  *sigh*

Is this karma?

being social

I only have a few friends in facebook and even in this little circle friends that I have I still feel envious to them. A friend in facebook posted about his latest gadgets and I was left wondering why I didn't have that. Now I was thinking how come I have the time to feel jealous about my friends and I don't have the time to study? Gawd.

I have lots of plans for this year. Hopefully I would be able to graduate this year then take another short courses. I am planning to take another short course while finishing my degree to save time but I don't think I would still be productive. Looking at my schedule, I have to go to work five days a week then there's school and I am already studying another language. Only a few months to go then I would take a vacation.

Speaking of vacation, I've been here in Manila for almost two years already and I haven't been to Galera. They said its a gay haven or could be the gay mecca of the Philippines. Every gay should visit the place like having a pilgrimage. I am thinking of going there this year. Hopefully my financial situation would improve.

Christmas was finally over

Finally Christmas was over. This Christmas didn't end up a disaster compared to the others. It is more of a cultural celebration now to me rather than a religious celebration. My family do not generally celebrate Christmas, coming from a family of mix religions tracing our ancestry to have some Muslim blood is pretty normal.

I would say that my Christmas last year was wonderful compared to this year. I went to Baguio last year and spent the Holiday with Mr. PMAer who was not only good in bed but has a body to die for. Weeks after we meet I still gets a hard on overtime I thnk of him. I wonder why my relationships do not lasts. Well, he has some commitments to his family and I don't want him caught in between me and his family. As much as possible I wanted an independent guy, someone that would help his family when he can but put himself first rather than his family.  Or maybe he just lacks financial planning, I don't know.

So last night, instead of spending Christmas alone and be sad, I've made a choice to be merry. I wanted to go to Bed or to a bar somewhere in Malate and get drunk but I then on the second thought I just wanted to be in a place that is a little bit quite yet exciting so I went to F. The place is not really for those who are too OC about cleanliness and stuff. The place looks old, dirty and ill-maintained.

It was my second time to be there. When I first went there it was with a guy whom I met online. My first visit was wonderful, I was such a whore that night and ended with three different guys. But you just really have to be careful and play safe.  So last night with high spirits and I went there and I was disappointed. I would say that I am one of the billions of people who walk this Earth everyday and have high regards on look rather than intellect or other aspects. I am not good looking, I am not a head turner but I do not settle for someone that I do not find good looking.

While I was cruising the place though I learned some lessons. When I arrived in the place there was this not-so-cute almost effeminate guy who's hitting on me. After that there was this kinda-ok guy however I did not return their advances because I was hoping that someone better would come along the way. But I was disappointed, it turned out that there are already the best looking guys that night for me. This incident has put my decision making skill to test. I remember a story from a book about a person who was walking in a corn field. He has to walk in the corn field and pick up the one that has the biggest ear but once he passed on the row he can never go back. The first row of corns has big ears but he continued because he could not decide if whether he has to pick it or not, on and on he went and the corn ears becomes smaller and smaller until he was on the last row which has the smallest ears.

I felt that I was that guy who could not decide on things because I was hoping for something better. Maybe the Greeks were right, the reason why Hope was the last thing that went out from Pandora's box when all evil was released because it is the most evil of all. It prolongs agony and it clouds decision making.  Or was it karma? 

missing home, finally

I just got back from a very long vacation. I remember how sad I was to go on vacation since I thought it was just a waste of time. I miss my grandmother and my mother is there too. I am not really close to any of my relatives and I have no plans before of getting close to them either.  However, I already paid for my ticket and I can no longer cancel my application for my leave.

But last night I felt like crying when I arrived in Manila. I want to stay there forever and abandon what I have here, which is almost worthless by the way. I don't have much friends here but there I found joy in being with my relatives. People changed just like me and them. I started liking them more. I wanted to cry but since I haven't cried for a long time that I already had forgotten how to. I felt like turned into a stone that only a great emotion could awaken me and put tears on my eyes. Yet, I feel so lonely right now, I feel like going to church or do something. 

I have uploaded some of the pictures I've taken from home. I love waking up in the morning before I jog looking at these scenery.

am I willing to assist?

I was boarded on a plane when the flight attendant informed me that I was seated in the emergency exit and if an emergency arises she asked if I am willing to assist. I was thinking OMG! Why on Earth would I do that? I shall save my self first if ever that happens so I immediately said no and transfer me to another seat.

She then asked a foreigner in front me and he answered yes to her question. I then asked her what she meant by assist because I was thinking I would be the one to make sure that everybody gets out and I would be shouting telling everyone to calm down and I got everything under control and that we are not going to die. She said that I just have to open the door and exit. HA! In that case I asked her that I will be the first one to get out of the plane then, she said yes and further explains that what she meant by assist is just to open the door. Oh, that was easy, I thought. Also, the fact that I would be the first one to get out of the plane if ever an emergency happens is good rather than I have to squeezed myself with others trying to get out first. I then told her that I changed my mind and I am willing to assist if that is just by opening the door and I exit after. 

will be talking soon

Finally, if I'm not gonna change my mind I will be graduating next year. The past few months had been very busy and challenging for me. I have to study for my lessons then report to work and my language class. Mysteriously I was able to get up the next day doing these things again. I'm having trouble with my language class and to add to that my language teacher is not using English when she is teaching us. She said that in order for us to learn the language we should not translate from English to this language since they are totally different. She added that just like when we were babies and we are about to learn our first language, in should be in that way of how we will acquire a second language. So here I am like a baby with books about the language and not understanding them. Gawd, I couldn't even say "meemaw" yet, I'm still a baby and all I did is laugh and cry, just like a baby indeed.

I am jealous with my classmates, they are so good and my teacher gets angry because she compared the fast learners to the slow learners. I want to kill those fast learners but on the second thought, I don't have to, somebody else will.

My grandmother has been asking me to visit them and I've been thinking of doing that, maybe next month since I definitely need a vacation.

how sad

Is it true that AJ Perez is already dead?
How sad.

UP!

A week after Valentines day I decided to give myself a little treat. I decided to go to Pampanga to watch the Hot Air Balloon Festival. It was so beautiful. The place is so beautiful, it was my first time to be there. I just took these photos using my phone. It feels nice to get out of the city sometimes and I also missed spending time with myself.

Last Christmas

December is the saddest month of my life since I was young. It's the time where I am mostly jealous of my cousins and friends because they received gifts. It's the time that almost every corner I see happy families gathered together. It's the busiest time for me as well, I have lots of house chores to do during this time.

Last December was different. I received the greatest gift so far. A present that unwraps himself. We slept together, ate and laugh. Happiest moment of my life. I am 6 years older than him but he has faced a lot in life already. He's cute, about 3 inches taller than me, he's muscles are toned yet a little lanky for me. Perhaps its no surprise since he is in a military school.

He's still a student yet he is the sending supporting his brother's schooling financially. I admire him for that. When I received his invitation to visit Baguio this December I was very excited. I haven't seen him since February that was my first visit of the place. I was surprised that he chose to spend Christmas with me rather than with his family. I am planning to visit Baguio again this February though I am not hoping that I can be with him. I understand he is very busy but how I wish he can spend a day with me while I'm there. Will be staying there for a week. I am very excited.

hmnmm, really?

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.